Joann, Amelia, Jasmine and Nicole met on the first day of school in their junior college, ACJC. They were allocated to the same class with classmates from a wide array of schooling backgrounds. Due to the various schools in which these girls have attended previously, they are more comfortable to converse in English and were "in the same frequency." They formed a clique and got along very well. However, this did not last for long.
Amelia came from a well to do family and tend to be very insensitive at times. She makes fun of classmates who were less fortunate than her and has a bad habit to showing off. For example, during Mid-Autumn Festival, she emphasized that the mooncakes in which she had given to each of her teacher were bought from the Shangri-La Hotel to everyone she met that day. Jasmine is an opinionated and judgemental person. Although she is fully aware that Amelia is simply tactless and is harmless in her intentions, Jasmine is often agitated by her actions. However, she choose not to voice out her unhappiness directly to Amelia, instead she complains to Nicole and Joann who share the same sentiments.
The problem was never solved but there was no fights within the clique as they often laugh the matter off. However, in the period leading towards the A-level preliminary examinations, a big fight occurred between Amelia and Jasmine. Amelia had a habit of checking on everyone's revision progress and making sure she is doing more than what the rest is doing. She constantly planned gatherings and dinner get-togethers for the clique but never turned up for any of them giving excuses for her absence at the very last minute. The other three girls suspect that Amelia was trying to reduce the amount of revision time they had for the examination. They were aware that Amelia had asked for their progress to make herself feel good that she is more prepared for the examinations than they were.
Two weeks before the Preliminary Exams, Amelia started a conversation with Jasmine asking her if she had finished her revision for the Chemistry paper. She continued on to boast that her parents had hired a school teacher who charged 80 bucks per hour to tutor her and have finished all the other school's mock papers. This was the last straw for Jasmine who was extremely stressed by her commitment in the school's Tennis Team as well as the upcoming exams. In reply, she snapped, "Its none of your business."
Her reply shocked Amelia who widened her eyes and glared. Jasmine, who was already fuming continued to shout at Amelia. One year worth of pent up frustration was relieved all at once. There was no turning back for their friendship. Things became awkward between the girls because of Jasmine and Amelia's strained friendship and after awhile, Amelia choose to find other friends to hang out with.
After graduation, Amelia went to California for foundation studies and continued to New York while Jasmine continued her tertiary education in a local university. In a recent class gathering when Amelia returned home from the States, the two girls attempted to engage in a conversation to catch up with each other's life. Unfortunately, it was still a rather awkward.
How can Jasmine and Amelia resolve the tension and continue being friends again?
Hello Jacky:) This is an interesting story.
ReplyDeleteI feel that his interpersonal conflict between Jasmine and Amelia is possible due to their conflicting personality but not inevitable. I say so because conflicting personalities do rub off on the wrong side often but that does not mean that they cannot get along. It depends on the individuals most of the time.
Amelia should have been more thick-skinned in terms of judging how the person she is talking to feels and how much of her tactless 'jokes' can people stand. People are sure to react if not verbally, non-verbally about how they feel about one another. She has to learn how to pick up from there and vary in her levels of tactlessness person to person.
As for Jasmine she could have prevented the conflict by not building up her frustration. She could have approached Amelia and told her how she felt in the first stage itself. If not she could have employed the help of her friends to go about persuading Amelia to tone down on her arrogant behaviour.
Thanks Loshini. I agree that people who are world's apart can still be friends. Individuals who are more patient and forgiving will still be able to get along with the most obnoxious person alive. I do believe that the time they spend with each other makes a difference too. Sometimes, when we spent too much time with another person, more differences will surfaced and there'll be a higher chance for conflict. :)
DeleteHi Jacq!
ReplyDeleteHm, I wouldn't say that it is inevitable because there bound to be differences among friends/acquaintances yet we don't get into quarrels every single day. I'm sure out of so many friends that you have, there's a friend who you know has a personality that is not well-liked but yet you're still friends with her/him, right? So I believe that such quarrels are not inevitable.
The situation can definitely be better handled. Firstly, I do not think that Jasmine should always voice her opinions about Amelia to Joanne and Nicole because that is like gossiping about you good friend. No one would ever want to have a friend who would gossip about them. Instead, I think Jasmine, Joanne & Nicole should speak to Amelia regarding this issue that they have since Amelia, being the insensitive one, wouldn't realize it. Secondly, I don't think Amelia should arrange a meet-up and bail on them just so that she can study more than them. I would't want a friend who is constantly competing with me. As friends, I would want all of us to do well together, and I wouldn't want to be stepping on my friends' head just to move up.
Thanks Gladys!
DeleteYes! Friends should look out for each other and enjoy the fruits of labour together. I agree with you that the situation could have been handled in a more appropriate manner whereby the girls should have a talk with Amelia regarding their unhappiness right from the start. I wouldn't want people to gossip behind my back too! :)
jacq this is a very lame story lol. but that aside, i think it lightens up a very real dilemma that we might have to deal with eventually- having to forge an effective relationship with a personality that is fundamentally conflicting with yours. i think this is something we have to brace ourselves for in the working world or even when we get to know our friend's other friends. we can learn all the effective communication skills that we want but is a relationship doomed from the start if the two parties are just too incompatible?
ReplyDeletesince we're in a communication class, i'm gonna have to say 'no' lol. ok, but i do have reasons. i'm a proponent for openness. i feel that if 2 people were able to click on some level but hate each other's guts at times, they can resolve it by just being honest about what they hate about each other and they can work on it and they still have the reasons they were best friends in the first place anyway.
evidently jasmine let things slip until she couldn't take it anymore and like pandora's box, she let out year's worth of negative thoughts about amelia which was too much for amelia to handle. not surprisingly, there was no way amelia could have reacted positively to it and it irreparably broke their communication line.
if jasmine had been more honest about her true gripes about amelia's actions, and had told her on the many instances it had happened, expressing the little annoyances then would not be as lethal as venting pent up frustration. and amelia would be in a better frame to react in a way that fixes the problem. perhaps then, amelia could have had a chance to reflect and possibly change for the better and they could still remain friends, stronger ones in fact.
Thanks Ariel! :)
DeleteI agree that being open and direct about your feelings is important and it will ease your frustration. In my opinion, I believe both of them are at fault and both parties could have handled the situation better. But I believe that if Jasmine were to be open about her feelings and dislike for Amelia right from the point when she realised she couldn't get along with her, their interaction would be awkward from that point on. If that is the case, Nicole and Joann will be affected as well! What I meant by this is, Nicole and Joann will have to cope with the tense atmosphere whenever the other two is around and sadly, they might eventually have to take sides.
Hi, this is Mark,
ReplyDelete"Was this interpersonal conflict between Jasmine and Amelia inevitable due to their conflicting personality? "
Personally, your question above doesn't make any sense to me. An interpersonal conflict is obviously a conflict of persons/personalities. You were asking the obvious. That's my answer.
As to whether they could have handled the situation better and still be good friends today, again isn't that obvious? What are conflicts for if they aren't there to be resolved? Does that make sense? All conflicts yearn for freedom although they might not necessarily express as such because of the respective prides and egos. Does that make sense? It's like asking when a cure of HIV has been found, if you could have thought there was a way to cure HIV! Of course! Does that make sense?
Okay but let me get to what your question actually wants now. Your scenario isn’t uncommon. To tell you the truth, the relationships of school-going kids like teenagers in modern Singapore aren’t made of solid material, interpersonally. That is some kind of sickness of a society which has made much social, economic, political progress in whichever ways. Does that make sense?
There is this proliferation of the Self or Me, coupled with the fact that teenagers are in their delicate years hormonally, prevents them from being *intentionally* interpersonal in wanting to cultivate relationships based on strong interpersonal virtues like patience, honor, sacrifice and respect. Most school teenage relationships between the same or opposite sex are thus somewhat superficial or not strongly justified in that sense. Does that make sense?
The collapse of Amelia and Jasmine can thus be explained as such, the relationship lacks strong interpersonal material from the very beginning. The girls met on day one by chance of ACJC, was placed in the same class courtesy of another chance of streaming, happened to bump together from out of another chance and then talking, finally found from another chance they were all of ‘same frequency’, and clique formed in every name of chance! Can you see it? And the rest of the time spent together for the next 2 years followed the same trajectory, to think of allowing interpersonal relationships just to simply fall in its perfect interpersonal place and bring happiness and love all around to the girls, naturally. But is that really the case? Can interpersonal fruitfulness and solid material just happened naturally, or by sitting around waiting for things to ‘fall in place’ as a result of time?
Is happiness-wait-for-me-and-I-wait-for-happiness really going to give you happiness?
(continue below)
Is I-wait-for-you-and-you-wait-for-me really going to give you interpersonal fruitfulness thus success?
ReplyDeleteThat is the wind of every single school teenage relationship in and out of school, maybe even of adults, and I’m speaking of Singapore and its unique blend of societal factors. America and Canada might have different winds. Does that make sense?
What Jasmine and Amelia, and what every single school-going kid in Singapore needs is ‘intentionally’ interpersonal. Be interpersonal---patient, understanding, kind, caring, honourable, respectful, loving, sweet, encouraging, empathizing, courageous for the good, thoughtful and considerate, because you are very clear in your mind that you are going to be committed to that way of life forever, and you’d be interpersonal no matter what happens, conflicts, displeasure, misgivings. That is what I call intentional, from out of your very veins and sinews; you are not being interpersonal when and why you feel like it only, but for every living breathe you take. Does that make sense?
Jasmine and her friends were somewhat interpersonal only to the extent that they got along very well on the surface laughing a problem off, despite all the obvious behavioural and personality differences! Is that really an interpersonal clique? I don’t see any intentional interpersonal in that at all, because nobody took the initiative to get to understand Amelia and try to assimilate and then evolve her way of behaviour and thinking. Does that make sense? Initiative is intentional!
Wanting to get to know only the very best of a person and his/her potential is another sign of intentional interpersonal! Jasmine and the clique fell short severely in this area! Jasmine saw Amelia as somebody who “makes fun of classmates who were less fortunate than her and has a bad habit of showing off;” she also “suspects that Amelia is trying to reduce the amount of revision time she had for the examinations.” Can you see that? The only thoughts Jasmine and her clique had of Amelia were negative from the very beginning; judge, judge, judge, vindictive, vindictive, vindictive! They refused to believe the very best of Amelia or her potential for caring interpersonal behaviour, so how could they ever be ever interpersonal enough to cultivate the relationship so that they be all still good friends today? Faith in a person’s excellence is key to intentional interpersonal! No faith and no interpersonal success!
Lastly, intentional interpersonal is defined as ‘doing something in the way that shows your care and concern the other person wouldn’t expect to see coming, and doing that something persistently despite being rejected or turned down’, and it goes beyond verbal and non-verbal acting. It starts before and carries on long after verbal and non-verbal acting! Does that make sense Jac?
Great post anyway, wish those girls the best!
I appreciate your effort creating and posting this scenario, Jacq. It is highly detailed and quite compelling. You do a fairly good job of describing the characters involved and the context of the dramatic conflict.
ReplyDeleteHowever, with so many verb tense problems I find myself losing track of the essence of the story.
Some language issues include:
1) Amelia came from a well to do family and tend to be very insensitive at times. >>> (verb tense inconsistency) Amelia came from a well to do family and tended to be very insensitive at times.
In fact, there is inconsistency throughout the post, Jacq. (Let's review this in class.)
2) ...she emphasize that the mooncakes in which she had given to each of her teacher were bought.... >>> ...she emphasized that the mooncakes which she had given to each of her teachers were bought.... (problem with the adjective clause)
3) there was no fights >>> there WERE no fights (why?)
4) The problem was never solved but there was no fights within the clique as they often LAUGHED the matter off.
5) Tennis Team >>> tennis team
6) They were aware that Amelia had asked for their progress to make herself feel good that she is more prepared for the examinations than they were. >>> ?
7) from the states >>> ?
8) You have posed two yes/no questions rather than follow the specifications of the assignment.
As I mention, your questions also don't reflect the demands of the assignment. Do you see why?
Still, your story has generated some good feedback. I feel that with a healthy scrubbing though it would have done that even better. Thanks for the effort!
Thanks Brad! Sorry for all the mistakes made! I've edited the post. On top of that, I've definitely learned something new from today's lesson on proper nouns and common nouns! :) I'll take more effort to polish up my post in future! :)
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